Thursday, April 16, 2009

Free Legal Advice: A Corollary

A little over a year ago, I offered the readers of this blog some free legal advice:

Don't steal from the blind guy visually-impaired gentleman who runs the deli at the courthouse!

It seems that an addendum is in order. Here it is:

Don't steal the Hamilton County Prosecuting Attorney's lunch! it apparently wasn't his lunch, but instead belonged to an investigator in the office. But it allegedly happened three times. Getting the munchies once is understandable, but three times? You're not working in a normal office, you're working for prosecutors. Did you think they wouldn't, after their food disappeared a second time, use their investigative skills to see why their pizza stash was dissipating overnight?

And you're right: at any other job, you'd be admonished. Maybe you'd even be fired. (This isn't exactly an employees' job market, if you haven't noticed.) But take a prosecutor's lunch, and you're going to jail.

On the flip side, it'd be fun to defend this case to a jury with exactly that thought: Ladies and gentleman of the jury: remember the last time someone took your apple or Coke from the office refrigerator? What do you think would've happened if you'd called the police and tried to press charges? We all know that when you stash your food in a communal refrigerator, you assume the risk that your food will be consumed by a greedy office-mate.

But come on, folks: is a frozen, microwavable pizza really worth the risk of prosecution? There are judges just a few floors up: wasn't there better food in one of their break rooms? And better yet, couldn't you just wait until the end of your shift to eat?

I hope this has been helpful in resolving any questions you might have about the legality and wisdom of committing theft offenses in the Office of the Hamilton County Prosecuting Attorney.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Don't be an idiot or your post will be deleted.